WHY DO CHILDREN KILL?

Unfortunately, there is too much aggression around us these days. Out of home, we may be exposed to rudeness on any occasion. We try to be patient and smiling, but our politeness and civility are not always sincere. From time to time, we meet rudeness with rudeness or a strong word, even if it is contrary to our normal behavior. We hear people swearing in public transport and while driving because there are too many incorrect things in our lives. And children, who are always nearby their parents, take in, like a sponge, every trait of adult behavior. At first, they are small, then begin to grow - and here we have impudence, yelling, and foot stamping. Parents try to attribute it to the awkward age, but impudence does not end even after that period is over. Moreover, what if a child sees rudeness not only on the street but also at home? What if he or she is being raised in an atmosphere of tension?

Children's aggression. It may either manifest itself within the child and result in a suicide or find its object outside the person. Being left to their own devices, children may start with hurting and killing animals. Then they proceed to perpetrating crimes in company: they experiment with drugs, beat weaker persons, commit robberies. This revolt is often directed against their parents and sometimes it costs them their lives. This appears to be a global trend. At times, motives of crimes can astound by their absurdity. A quite exceptional case occurred in Saudi Arabia where a four-year boy shot dead his father for not buying him a game console. In Azerbaijan, by virtue of mental traits, killing of parents is a rare case but still does occur on a domestic basis. For example, it was reported that a 17-year-old boy killed his mother and then her boyfriend. Teenagers kill their parents who attempt to oppose any of their pursuits. Such cases were reported by the media in different countries - India, Jordan, Peru.

An egregious case occurred in Russia recently. Sergey Gordeev, a tenth-grader, shot dead a teacher in the classroom and then a policeman and took hostage his classmates. This is despite the fact that he was brought up in a non-needy family of high-ranking security officials and was an excellent student. The Russian media reported that two days before the shooting, the teenager had quarreled with his parents and told a friend that he had lost faith and purpose in life. It is still unknown why there was an arsenal of weapons in the Gordeevs' house, and why the teenager had access to it. There is no precise information about the parents of the shooter either. It is only known that the boy's father persuaded him to surrender and release his classmates. After their questioning, the parents became unavailable for both investigators and acquaintances. Nor did they come to the court to learn about the preventive measure chosen for their son. Such behavior of the parents surprised all participants in the process: since Sergey had not turned sixteen by the time of the trial he could not have been questioned without his parents, a pedagogue or a lawyer. But the family did not take care even to provide a lawyer for him; in the end, he was represented at the trial by an appointed counsel.

Circumstantial evidence suggested that Sergey's relations with his parents were complicated, while the situation in the family was problematic.

Parents, and parents again

Yet, psychologists maintain that the impression which might have been formed by the general public - namely, that the number of such cases has been on the rise of late - is erroneous. At the same time, they admit that current realities do affect psychological development of teenagers. There is a lot of cruelty around us. Take, for instance, computer games for children and youths, which have no intellectual sense. Priority is given to "shooter games" and wars, in which one side wins over the other. There is little of humane qualities in all this, and the emotions move into the realm of severity.

Murder is an extreme manifestation of teenage violence, which leads to the commission of other crimes including sexual assault, theft, and drug trafficking. Experts agree that the main cause for such a behavior of youngsters is the situation in the family, because parents too often do not spend enough time with their children these days, worrying only about their children's material well-being.

Psychologists argue that teenage cruelty is the consequence of their inability to put up with restrictions and with the desire to have everything at once. This is because modern families are weak and cannot pass on moral values to their children and provide for proper upbringing. Most importantly, children must develop the ability to put aside some of their desires and form an understanding that they cannot have everything at once, lest they should find themselves in a situation when they, already adults, will have to overcome disappointments. If a child does not have this ability, the parents are to blame.

According to psychologist Ellada Gorina, if we are talking about the motives of children's cruelty, we can note that such a behavior in children is dictated by a huge amount of aggression concentrated in a particular child. Parents should always remember that a child is rarely aggressive by itself. This aggression is often inherited, i.e. the child's way of interacting with the outside world most often follows that of his parents. Thus, prior to working with a child - and we must work with children - it is necessary to have a look at what happens in the family. If the mother teaches her child to be polite and quarrels with her neighbors on the stairs platform every day, then she will bring up a substantially similar aggressive child who will make demands and threaten children in the kindergarten. In other words, before attempting to educate, parents should pay attention to themselves. If the parents notice excessive aggression in their child, it is best to work with a psychologist who can direct parents in their self-education and help the child deal with aggression.

What should be done with aggression?

We observe either aggressive or self-injurious behavior, when a child begins to harm himself. Children's aggression is always associated with their parents; it has its roots in the family. Children behave as their parents do. If the parents apply rather strict requirement to their children, limit their creative or other impulses, if they are quite stringent in terms of physiological training, punish them, etc., it invites a lot of reciprocal aggression. In other words, aggression and tough upbringing, which provokes aggression in children, always go together.

Gorina agrees that today there is some tendency towards growing cruelty in children. This is primarily due to the acceptability and accessibility of various scenes of violence and cruelty. Such scenes were unacceptable until now. "In the past, people often were self-injurious in their behavior, while now they let their aggression out. Earlier they were guided by strong ethical and cultural norms and abode by strict customary rules. We could not demonstrate aggressive behavior even if we wished to, as our behavior was restricted by society and we used to direct our aggression at ourselves. Now the pressure of society has weakened and there are fewer restricting cultural and ethical factors; accordingly, aggression is more often directed outwards. Previously, we did not meet with aggression in public transport, shops, etc. This is not because people were less aggressive, but because they expressed their aggression differently," the psychologist says.

It should be remembered that aggression is not something bad; rather it is our vital power which we need. We need it in order to achieve our goals. Any desire, even such innocent desire as to catch up with the bus, is an aggressive desire. Aggression is something innate which makes us move and attain. However, we must learn how to use it correctly. If our aggression is excessive, we need to work on it either independently or under the guidance of a psychotherapist or psychologist which can help and teach a person how to come to terms with aggression in the most convenient way, so that aggression serves our purposes without destroying our personality.

"Let me give you an example. A little kid wants to run. For him, running is a normal thing. But if his parents do not allow him to run, he accumulates a lot of energy. What does he do next? He becomes capricious, begins to break toys, annoy his parents, and hurt others. In fact, he cannot put his own energy to good use. If only parents knew and understand that such is the child's psyche, that such activity is necessary for him and his energy should be sublimated into dancing, painting, sports, etc., that he should be given some freedom to learn proper interaction with the environment, the level of aggression would be normal and acceptable," Gorina says.

Aggression is a necessary component of our character, but it should not exceed a certain threshold. When the threshold is exceeded, we call it inadequate aggression. Cruelty can, to some extent, be hereditary and associated with the genes of the ancestors. However, if parents are quiet persons, it does not mean they are not aggressive. It is true, though, that some people are more likely to be aggressive than others.

Thus, prior to admonishing a child for aggressive behavior, the parents should pay attention to their own behavior and education they provide for the child. Can it be that the root of the problem rests in them? If parents try and control themselves while they are together with children, there will be less killings committed by teenagers.