FATHERS AND SONS

The child should see and know. He should see the right family, the right fathers and mothers, parents who spend their time with him, play with him, love him and do not say that they have no time for him. You need to speak to a child in his own language, and as an adult, you have to listen to classical music, draw, dance and kiss him more rather than use baby talk, shout and quarrel in front of him. For the latter destroys the immaculate nature and psychology of the child. Inevitably, he starts behaving like adults who thoughtlessly spend their time on trifles, quarrels and watching TV instead of devoting it to their child.

Parents need to understand that, first, the child did not beg and ask his mom and dad to bear him (meaning the families that looked forward to the birth of the baby), second, the child is not their property, and third, for their desire to be parents they should bear responsibility, first of all, in front of their son or daughter.

You have to understand that you should not expect your children to love you the way mother and father do, for they will love in the same way only when they themselves become parents. So do not ask your children for what they cannot do, ruining your relationship, and lose understanding with them - you just have to be good parents. Be, but do not intervene, help, but do not impose yourselves, respect their opinions, thus winning their love and respect for yourselves, be friends, share experiences, talk, be able to listen and hear. All this is achieved in only one way - dad and mum have to nip in the bud their selfishness with regard to their children and stop manipulating words like "I carried you under my heart for nine months", "we have spent so much money on you", "we have done everything to put you on your own two feet, and you are so ungrateful". Forget about it, because the most disgusting and wicked errors in education begin from here. If you manipulate your child today, he will be doing it tomorrow.

It is possible to bring up a good, kind, intelligent, talented and noble child without sending him to an expensive kindergarten. Many dream of this, but not all can afford it. Is it worth it? Parents need to clearly understand that the high cost of a kindergarten is not directly proportional to the intelligence and talent of the child. You just have to dedicate a large portion of your time off to the child. Let him go to a normal kindergarten, so what? The child can learn the best experience, the best knowledge and the best model of behaviour only from their parents, who walk with him and take him anywhere from an early age, even from the cradle. Let this be a family party with friends and relatives, and a dinner at a restaurant, museum, concert, long trip, and other places where adults usually go, and he will always have time to sleep. The child should stay not with his grandparents, while the parents are enjoying themselves, but be around and learn to live, listen to adults talk and play with other children brought by other parents. And if they have something to say, they should not be silenced just because adults are talking, and thus have their personality and creative thinking suppressed.

The child should socialize together with his parents. Only in this way, do the fathers and the children achieve an emotional connection and the problem called the syndrome of fathers and children, which is mostly artificial, is solved by itself. Because your child will be where you are, and when he is without you, you will not have to panic that he is left to himself, as you will know what your child is capable of. After all, you know him, you raised a friend and a person you know very well. You grew up as a parent with him.

Children do not grow up on their own. They're all talented. They are all susceptible to the best and the worst. They are really like flowers that, if not handled properly, can wilt - psychologically and emotionally. Childish pranks do not occur on their own, they appear when children understand that they are left to themselves and their communication with their parents is replaced by the computer or toys. And some children do not have even that. They become withdrawn, irritable, insecure, study poorly, become selfish and lack harmony in the relationship with their parents.

Remember! If you want your child to read, he has to see what you're reading, too, not just watching TV, if you want the kid to tell the truth, you must tell the truth yourself, if you want the child to be noble, you yourself have to be noble, if you want him to respect, honour and revere adults, you have to do so yourself. And so in everything. Children need to be taken care of, because they did not beg and ask you to give birth to them. They do not remain cute like eight-month-olds when they are allowed to do everything. They grow up and lose their childish sincerity, but it does not mean that you should restrict their freedom with endless "no's". You should say "yes" wherever possible.

All these reflections occurred to the author after she visited the capital of a neighbouring country and had the opportunity to observe relations between parents and their children there. The firm belief that having a family and children is a cult in Azerbaijan was shaken because rarely in local realities, do you meet a daddy who dedicates his every free moment to children. You do not often see a social model in which parenting is equally shared by both parents. I felt a little bit jealous and annoyed. Few would argue with the fact that in most of the Azerbaijani families, with few exceptions, the typical relationship between parents and their children is built on the "yes-no" principle. I had the opportunity to see this in one of Azerbaijani families in the same country. It happened at a seesaw in an amusement park. There were a father, mother, son and daughter. The son was about six years old. He asks his father to allow him to jump on the seesaw like his peers, who took great pleasure in doing so. With a tone of unquestioning obedience, the father says that it is impossible because he is too small. The child begins to beg. The father is adamant. Why put your child in the position of an asking person, which impairs his dignity and personality? Why not do what he is asking for? Why in this case did the father take the child to the amusement park? To eat ice cream and leave?

Live with your children. Do not avoid communicating with them. Take them everywhere and think about their leisure because practical knowledge gives a child a lot more than edifying lessons in the kindergarten. Think about children's problems, talk to them like adults and respect their opinions and desires, because their whole subsequent life, its success or failure depend only on their parents. Be a single whole. You can be sure that one day, the child will return to you all the knowledge, generosity, kindness and love that you put in him. But, in fact, we have no right to expect the same love from our children.