FORGOTTEN LEGACY

The wedding is a significant event in everyone's life. The roots of this important ritual lie in the far distant past. We can judge the richness of the cultural and spiritual heritage of any nation by its weddings. And Azerbaijani weddings are no exception - the traditions associated with marriage are an integral part of our culture.

From time immemorial, Azerbaijani men have had to undergo many trials in order to win their girl. Even getting acquainted with a girl in the Muslim East was not easy. Men could only see their future partner by the well, where girls gathered to collect water in a pitcher and chat with their friends. And if the boy set his mind on one of them, he would let her know through poetry, songs, or simply gestures or words.

We can learn from folk songs how this happened

Recognising the glittering gaze of a boy in love, the girl, as a rule, tried not to react and hastened home. And the guy, this ashug of love, followed her with his blazing eyes.

He informed his parents of his choice; his relatives inquired about the girl's origins and made a careful study of her family. After consultations with venerable members of the family, the decision was taken to ask for marriage. By tradition, the female side reached agreement first. The boy's mother visited the girl's mother with one of her closest relatives. Male elders (the elders of the family) joined the 'negotiations' later - after the women had found common ground. Initially, the girl's father was visited by her suitor's father with three of his venerable relatives. After a 'warm-up' - a chat about this and that, he moved on to the main theme: the purpose of his visit. "We have come to propose our son to your daughter as her husband. Do not deprive us of hope," he said. In response the girl's father, as a rule, replied: "A girl's door is a shah's door. May I ask the opinion of the girl herself, talk to her mother, her close relatives and then give you an answer?" This process was called small matchmaking, and only after consultations with the most respected people, would the girl's side allow the boy's representatives to return for the answer. After that, the boy's father invited his brothers, his wife's relatives and other close friends and announced his intention to complete that phase of matchmaking on the appointed day.

In the girl's house, the matchmakers were seated at the head of the table. After some discussion, the girl's paternal or maternal uncle would say: "Well, bring sweet tea for our dear guests" - as a sign of final agreement between the parties. Meanwhile, the women declared the ceremony of the so-called small engagement to be open. The groom himself did not normally take part at this stage - contact between the young in the presence of elders was considered bad manners. The boy's sister, brother or father put a ring on the bride's finger and threw a scarf around her shoulders. Then the guests were treated to sweets, leaving half of a sweet bitten by the bride for the groom.

After the departure of the matchmakers, the bride laid her right hand on the heads of her unmarried friends (that's where the expression "may your right hand help us" comes from) and let them try on her wedding ring. According to legend, the one who put the ring on her finger first would be married before anyone else. When the friends left, they put two similar sweets under their pillows at bedtime, to see their future husbands in a dream.

Some time later, the so-called big betrothal was held. Everything required for the bride, except for shoes, was bought and delivered by the father-in-law himself. The boy's family bore most of the expense for this ceremony. They sent meat, butter and rice for pilaf and other essential products to the girl's house, but not onions - to avoid bitterness. These gifts were carried to the girl's house on decorated trays - 'Xonca' and in suitcases tied with red ribbons. A couple of months later the trays were returned to the groom's house - this time laden with gifts from the girl's family. One of the decorated trays was intended for the groom. Gifts for men were placed on the second tray. Different flavourings, cuts of material, shawls etc. were placed on the third tray intended for women.

For holidays, and in the period before the wedding, more gifts were sent to the bride: clothes, sweets, jewellery and a sacrificial ram. Henna was sent to dye her hair, arms and legs. In the run-up to the wedding party, the parties named the day of 'negotiation'. Men from both families negotiated organizational issues, decided what musicians to invite, who would be the toastmaster etc. Wedding expenses incurred by the bride's house were also met by the groom's family. A few days before the wedding, the bride's dowry was taken to the groom's house and rooms were decorated. The goods were usually tied with red ribbons.

Meanwhile, the girl's home prepared for the wedding. Early in the morning, they cooked bread with fat - fatir. The groom's female relatives, headed by his mother, arrived to present gifts to their future relatives and the girl's loved ones. For the evening, they killed the ram and cooked kebabs. The venue for the wedding feast was covered with carpets.

A wedding decoration called a 'shah' was installed in the home of the bride's closest friend: it was made from a big stick wrapped in expensive fabric and lined with candles, a mirror, sweets and fruit. At 9 o'clock, the groom and his entourage arrived at the shah. They made a bonfire in the yard and began the celebration. And then, taking the 'shah', they headed for the bride's house to the accompaniment of music and the firing of guns, and the fun continued there. Then, the 'xinayaxdi' ceremony was held - dyeing with henna.

Girls gathered around the bride, and one of her women relatives took a dish of soaked henna and danced. Then she put two dishes in front of one of the groom's women relatives: one contained the henna and the other was empty. The groom's relative placed money in the empty bowl and her finger in the other (into the henna). Then she danced, approaching the bride, and anointed her arms, legs and hair with henna. Then she went around the other women in the room. They also took the henna and put money or a gift into the empty dish.

A few days before the wedding, a local mullah (priest) registered the kabin (marriage in Islam). Like today, this ceremony was attended by one witness from each side.

The wedding started in the girl's house at 11 or 12 o'clock. The sound of the zurna (an Azerbaijani reed instrument) could be heard throughout the village. Those arriving at the wedding gave money or expensive gifts. In order to open the cover over the pilaf cauldron, one of the bride's people put money on it.

To win the right to invite someone to dance, the boys organized wrestling matches. Women invited the bride to dance and danced themselves. Even after the groom's people dispersed, the fun at the girl's house continued.

After the wedding at the girl's house, this is still called the 'girl's wedding', the groom's people, to the accompaniment of the 'vagzali' (a kind of national wedding march), came to pick up the bride. In ancient times the equivalent of the modern wedding limousines were horses or phaetons. Either way, this transport was specially decorated. By the afternoon, the wedding escort headed for the girl's home. By tradition, neither the mother nor the father of the groom went for the bride. In the girl's courtyard, the groom was not allowed to get off the transport until the mother of the bride had paid a ransom for him. Only after that did he step down. Now he himself had to pay a ransom to collect the bride.

The door of the room where the girl sat was opened only after the groom and his people had given gifts. Then the bride's parents blessed her and the groom's brother tied a red scarf or ribbon around her waist. Her head was covered with a red cape. A bonfire was lit in the yard and the bride walked around it three times so that the house she was going to was light and its hearth always burning.

Water was splashed after the bride as she left her father's home, and when she reached the threshold of her new home, a plate was placed under her feet, which she had to break with her heel. A sheep was sacrificed at her feet, and the groom's mother stroked the bride's head as a sign of prosperity and mutual understanding. As tokens of abundance, small coins, sweets, rice and wheat were strewn over the bride's head. Her friend carried a mirror tied with a red ribbon before her. The friends, walking on her right and left, also carried glasses full of rice - a symbol of abundance. In the room decorated for her, the bride was seated facing the door and two boys were placed on her knees so that her firstborn would also be a boy.

Then the wedding at the groom's home began. In rural areas, the marriage ceremony traditionally lasted for three days - a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. On the first and second days, the guests had fun, danced and promenaded. On the third day, a singer praised the bride and the groom. They placed a table with sweets and a mirror in the wedding room. The groom sat in the middle and his friends on his right and left. The groom's mother gave gifts to her son's friends. Then the bride and the groom were invited to dance. As a rule, at their wedding, they danced together only when they wished to. But, by custom, the bride and the groom had to dance so that there was plenty. But this happened only once, after much begging to the accompaniment of the 'Vagzali'.

One can say that, today, nothing remains of Azerbaijan's ancient wedding traditions. Most of them are no longer observed, while some are retained only for form's sake. It is only in rural areas where you can still see elements of traditional wedding culture. In city weddings, His Majesty Modernity calls the tune.

Now even the 'Vagzali' can only be heard when the bride and the groom enter the dining hall or leave it. The bride and the groom, despite the ancient wedding canons, can dance not once or twice, but throughout the wedding. The rites in praise of the bride and groom, once considered the most interesting part of the wedding, have sunk into oblivion.

Today, the national instruments: the tar, kamanca, balaban (ney) and zurna are no longer played at weddings. Wedding bands are mainly made up of a synthesizer, violin, guitar, accordion and electric saz; they cannot convey the real flavour of Azerbaijani music. Singers lip-synch and the speakers simply deafen the guests. It is well-known that sounds exceeding 65 decibels cause anxiety, while sounds reaching 80-100 decibels pose a direct health hazard. Unfortunately, absolutely no-one worries about this at weddings. Nor is anyone concerned about the proposed menu. Dozens of cold dishes and several kinds of hot, soft and alcoholic drinks are on the standard menu of contemporary Azerbaijani weddings. Therefore, the royal dish of Azerbaijani cuisine - pilaf - which is served at the end of the celebration, in fact, remains untouched. This is unforgivable waste, which sometimes affects the health of the guests (it is no secret that at a number of restaurants, the leftover 'untouched' food, especially the various salads and cold appetizers, are served at the next wedding).