THE SILENT ESCAPE

When a teenager leaves home, it is rarely a simple act of rebellion or escape. Rather, it reflects a profound attempt to flee from emotional pain, loneliness, the silent cries of parents and the inner turmoil that goes unheard. Behind every slammed door lie frightened relatives, unspoken words and countless "what if" questions. Each case of a runaway is not only an individual tragedy but also a distress signal sent to society: something is deeply wrong. The sooner we learn to listen with empathy, understand their struggles and offer our support, the fewer children will seek a freedom where no one is truly waiting for them.

In recent years, the number of teenagers running away from home has noticeably increased in Azerbaijan. Each such story triggers alarm and raises urgent questions: why do children resort to such desperate measures? What underlying issues exist within families that appear to have matters under control?

Unfortunately, there are no official statistics documenting the number of children who run away from home in Azerbaijan. Yet a quick search on search engines reveals that these cases have persisted steadily over the past five years. For example, in July 2019, a nine-year-old boy named Tunar fled his home in Absheron district after claiming he was subjected to ongoing physical abuse by his mother. Upon being found, he bore visible signs of beatings.

More recently, public concern grew following reports of two teenage girls who disappeared. Thankfully, law enforcement successfully located them, but the complex emotional reasons behind their decisions will likely remain hidden—possibly deliberately masked by their families. Whether their disappearance was connected to relationships with young men or other unknown factors remains unclear. Yet, the fact that one father admitted to withdrawing his daughter from school after the ninth grade speaks volumes about potential family dynamics.

The risks faced by adolescents who run away are grave. They may encounter physical violence, become entangled in dangerous situations or fall prey to criminal activity. Repeated attempts to run away often indicate deeper problems within the family or reveal unresolved psycho-emotional difficulties in the child. Psychologist Leyla Mammadova stresses: "Preventing runaways is not merely about exerting control; above all, it requires creating a safe, emotionally supportive family environment—one where open communication is possible and adults are willing to acknowledge their own mistakes."

Escape from...

What factors drive these young people to run away? Family discord and single-parent households are common contributors. In Azerbaijan, many adolescents flee due to strained parental relationships or absence of one parent figure. Often raised by grandparents, these children face generational gaps and misunderstandings that exacerbate tensions. For instance, a 13-year-old girl ran away after her mother remarried for the fourth time; she was later found in Baku and placed in an orphanage.

Psychological challenges also play a critical role. Adolescents may wrestle with feelings of loneliness, alienation or a desperate yearning for independence. Fourteen-year-old Jumshud Aghayev repeatedly ran away from his orphanage in search of his mother, unable to reconcile with their separation.

Environmental influences cannot be ignored. Teenagers sometimes run away inspired by stories from films, books or adventurous media portrayals. Psychologists observe that such cases tend to spike during summer months among youths seeking autonomy or driven by idealised media images.

One of the most heart-rending issues continues to be early and often forced marriages—particularly affecting girls. Under the pretext of preserving "honour" or achieving "family benefit," young girls may be married off against their will—a devastating blow to their youth and personal freedom. Many sense this approaching threat and flee as a last resort to safeguard their future.

Leyla Mammadova remarks: "Early marriage represents for adolescents the abrupt end of personal freedom and destruction of all hopes for their future. Girls facing such threats may sink into panic and despair. In these cases, escape is not rebellion; it is an instinct for survival."

The child as a prospect

Parental expectations can also contribute significantly to adolescent distress. Too often, parents regard children as projects through which they attempt to fulfil dreams denied in their own youth—pressuring them to excel academically, attend prestigious universities and conform to particular social standards or appearances. The child's inner world—their desires, abilities and emotions—is frequently sidelined. Constant pressure coupled with disregard for feelings leads teenagers to feel unheard and unseen. And when no one listens, walking away becomes an act of self-preservation. Tragically, some children who believe they have disappointed their parents resort to irreversible measures such as suicide.

In May 2022, a 16-year-old boy from Balakan ran away after conflict with his parents over poor academic performance. Fortunately, police found him and returned him safely.

Currently, during final school examinations and university entrance periods, the issue of excessive academic pressure is especially acute. Curricula are becoming more demanding; preparation often consumes students’ entire days. Pupils in senior grades endure relentless stress: tests, extra classes and fear of failure dominate their lives. Sleep, leisure activities and hobbies fall by the wayside—youth becomes an unending marathon of endurance. Not all can cope with such strain; when life leaves no breathing room, some seek escape—even if it means running away.

"We are observing an increase in anxiety disorders among schoolchildren subjected to continuous stress," explains Leyla Mammadova. "Without family support, some teenagers view running away as a form of salvation from unbearable pressure."

Many households still adhere to authoritarian parenting styles where children’s opinions are ignored or dismissed; expressing dissatisfaction or doubt is forbidden; individuality is suppressed. In such environments even minor disagreements can escalate into ruptures—the child leaves not just the physical home but an impenetrable wall of misunderstanding. Many teenagers lament that they are not heard; parents consumed by work or survival neglect conversations—not about grades or behaviour but about feelings, fears and dreams. When met with misunderstanding, humiliation or ridicule from closest family members, loneliness ensues—and loneliness within the family unit is emotionally most painful.

Compounding these issues is the modern teenager’s immersion in digital media environments showcasing freer, bolder lifestyles through social networks—fuelling illusions that one can simply leave everything behind and start anew elsewhere. Yet behind this fantasy lies often no real plan or resources nor comprehension of consequences or support networks. Runaway teenagers face worlds for which they are unprepared physically and emotionally. Online interactions with strangers reduce apprehension about running away but increase risks to physical and psychological safety.

Afag Babazade, psycho-corrector and EMDR therapist, addresses why children run away and how prevention can succeed:

"Children run away for many reasons; key among them are feeling misunderstood by elders, lack of respect for their individuality and fear of rejection or being unwanted. Adults tend to forget what childhood feels like—the desire for unconditional acceptance and friendship where they feel safe and free from blame or unrealistic demands. Separation from parents—the process through which children develop independence—is difficult and gradual; often tensions accumulate over years before culminating in running away."

"What kind of parenting prevents runaways?"

"Parents must learn unconditional love—recognising their child as an independent person regardless of age—and accept that parenting requires working on oneself: confronting personal fears and traumas. Elders’ calmness and confidence provide vital support since parents serve as lifelong role models starting well before children’s birth. Adults living in fear or mistrust create environments where children cannot place deep trust. We must ask ourselves: who exactly are we to our children?"

"And if parents try but the child does not know what they want?"

"It is crucial to allow them space to 'outgrow' this phase by accompanying them closely—sharing activities outdoors or through work encourages natural bonding and understanding without pressure."

"What if the child refuses all engagement—closed off and withdrawn?"

"Then pause and give space; there may be stress or fear involved including bullying or harassment. The child must come to realise they are not alone—that someone will never betray them—and gradually be included in life’s everyday routines until they seek adult support again. Not all children become scientists but all thrive knowing they are needed."

"Is it right to try to force children not to run away?"

"No, intimidation or punishment worsens matters. Instead, explain possible consequences clearly through examples so children grasp that actions have results. Often an initial mistake causes shame leading children to hide fears and problems which snowball beyond their control. Teaching children early how to listen and be heard lightens future burdens."

The importance of learning to listen

It is time society recognises teenagers are not adversaries, projects or property but individuals with unique fears, dreams and rights to choose their path. Without respect for childhood or spaces fostering dialogue at home and school, runaway cases will continue rising—signalling urgent need not just to teach children but also truly listen before it is too late.

These cases highlight necessity for attention to adolescents’ emotional well-being, respect for their rights and safe family environments. Parents, educators and society at large must be ready to listen sincerely and provide support that can prevent tragic outcomes.

We live in a society where children mature too quickly—and often alone. Unless families, schools and society transform attitudes towards children as autonomous persons deserving respect, teenagers will continue drifting away—not only physically but spiritually.

The lack of official statistics makes it difficult to gauge the problem’s scale or develop effective countermeasures. Strengthening inter-agency cooperation at ministerial levels, introducing programmes supporting families and adolescents alongside public awareness campaigns on causes and consequences of teenage runaways is essential.